Dear Loyalists

Let’s not forget what this is all about, all I ever wanted was an independent Scotland and that debate started with the Edinburgh Agreement.

Twitter’s “anonymous” BritNat Loyalist Trolls bullied, harassed and threatened their way through that process hoping for a Kodak moment that’d harm the Yes movement.

You won in 2014, not by much so I wouldn’t get all smug considering where we are now. But my question is this, is this what you really fought for – to be treated by Westminster’s elite like this?

The speech Boris made was so bizarre that at first I thought it fake news but it’s worse than that. Read it.



Already I hear the usual grievance-monkeys in Scotland moaning that they’re effectively financing my tax cuts. But does anyone care? I mean, really.

Has any seat in Scotland ever made the slightest measure of difference to a Tory election win?

Margaret Thatcher won three bloody majorities when the Scots were under her heel. It seems the worse you treat them the less difference it makes. 

We’ve been siphoning off all of their oil underneath their drink-sodden Scottish noses for 30 years without them noticing. And even when they did find out they still voted to stay in our “1707 paper political” Union.

So I’ll have no more of this fear-mongering about my tax proposals threatening the Union. We all know we could turn Loch Lomond into a sewage facility and clear the Highlands again and they’d still want to keep hold of our coat-tails.

Indeed I’ve got further plans for the old sweaties up there in Jockoland. Most of them don’t know they’re living. Here we are in the over-crowded south-east, creating wealth; working our socks off and living on top of one another. Yet in Scotland they have all those mountains and lochs all to themselves. You can go hundreds of miles without seeing another living soul. I never thouaght I’d say this, but the problem with the jocks isn’t that there’s too many of them but there’s too few.

As such they’re a luxury and get to live in luxury surroundings and should thus be taxed. So, I propose we tax the living sodding daylights out of their wee bit hill and glen. Why should they get these spaces disproportionately to themselves without paying for it? I propose we tax the space that they live in and the very air that they breathe. And we’ll tax all of those wretched Munros they keep insisting on bagging.

That way, we might even keep a lot of the unwashed blighters away from them and prevent them traipsing through some of our precious grice-moors.

We’ll call it the Jock Tax. They keep telling us how their country is the most beautiful in the whole world; well it’s about time they were made to put their money where their mouth is.

Boris Johnson, June, 2019


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